So I've come to the (not so) shocking conclusion that...I'm screwed up. Yeah! In the past hour it's come to my attention and not for the first time, that I handle negative things in the worst possible way. I channel my inner 3 yr old. A very violent 3 year old. If I could punch a wall and not break my hand, I wouldn't have a bedroom at this point. I slam doors, scream and top the tantrum sundae with tears. In that order. But that's not really the worst part. The worst part is that I do it over the stupidest things. Things that are NOT potentially life-ruining. It's pathetic. The thing is, my reactions are instantaneous! Before I can even decide how I feel, I freak out!
I've always been very emotional, though. I remember, long ago, one of my friends said the following about me: "When she's happy, you'll know it before she says a word. When she's sad, it breaks your heart. When she's angry...well, good luck!" :D
Being an emotional person isn't always a bad thing. It's not having an outlet that could become a problem.
I don't lack an outlet, exactly. I mean, you're looking at it right now. My problem is being able to properly put into words EXACTLY how I feel. I will start writing something and if I don't like ONE thing about it, the entire thing goes. Then it frustrates me even more! See? Stupid!
I don't know. Maybe I need additional outlets. A punching bag? An "insert-photo" dart board? A line up of all the people who have screwed me over, and me with a baseball bat? Yes, yes, and Oh HELL YES!
I guess the only thing I accomplished by writing this blog is to admit to myself (and the world) that I have a LONG way to go before I can put a handle on my emotional reactions. Eh, good enough start! :D Til next time, kids!
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Lyric of the Day: "A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect. Every action in this world will bear a consquence." - Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
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Well, I don't know if this was the desired reaction, but I have to say that your blog cracked me up. Mostly the "Yes, yes, and OH HELL YES!"
ReplyDeleteI'm a pretty emotional person myself and have been working hard to try to real them in a bit better. I tend to be the opposite of you - I internalize EVERYTHING, which isn't terribly healthy either. Thank God for blogging because I really have found that when I can't internalize things any more, and I'm ready to slit my wrists because I'm so tense and frustrated from all that internalized emotion, blogging is pretty much the only way I get relief.
So anyway... good luck with learning to get a handle on it all!