Monday, June 7, 2010

Face Down

So I've come to the (not so) shocking conclusion that...I'm screwed up. Yeah! In the past hour it's come to my attention and not for the first time, that I handle negative things in the worst possible way. I channel my inner 3 yr old. A very violent 3 year old. If I could punch a wall and not break my hand, I wouldn't have a bedroom at this point. I slam doors, scream and top the tantrum sundae with tears. In that order. But that's not really the worst part. The worst part is that I do it over the stupidest things. Things that are NOT potentially life-ruining. It's pathetic. The thing is, my reactions are instantaneous! Before I can even decide how I feel, I freak out!

I've always been very emotional, though. I remember, long ago, one of my friends said the following about me: "When she's happy, you'll know it before she says a word. When she's sad, it breaks your heart. When she's angry...well, good luck!" :D

Being an emotional person isn't always a bad thing. It's not having an outlet that could become a problem.

I don't lack an outlet, exactly. I mean, you're looking at it right now. My problem is being able to properly put into words EXACTLY how I feel. I will start writing something and if I don't like ONE thing about it, the entire thing goes. Then it frustrates me even more! See? Stupid!

I don't know. Maybe I need additional outlets. A punching bag? An "insert-photo" dart board? A line up of all the people who have screwed me over, and me with a baseball bat? Yes, yes, and Oh HELL YES!

I guess the only thing I accomplished by writing this blog is to admit to myself (and the world) that I have a LONG way to go before I can put a handle on my emotional reactions. Eh, good enough start! :D Til next time, kids!

~~~~~

Lyric of the Day: "A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect. Every action in this world will bear a consquence." - Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus